Jaws is a Liar: The Truth About Sharks and Why They Don't Want to Eat You

I was thirty meters down off the coast of Beqa Lagoon in Fiji. The water was a murky, mood-killing grey that day. Not exactly the postcard shot you see on Instagram. I could taste the metallic tang of the regulator in my mouth and feel the pressure squeezing my wetsuit against my skin. It was quiet. Too quiet.

Then I saw him. A Bull Shark. A massive slab of muscle with a bad attitude, cruising out of the gloom like a freight train with fins. He was about three meters long. A proper unit.

My heart? Yeah, it was trying to punch its way out of my ribcage. That’s the adrenaline. That’s the juice I live for.

But here is the thing. He didn't charge. He didn't open a mouth full of razor blades to tear me limb from limb. He just looked at me. Gave me the side-eye. I could see his pupil tracking me. He was checking me out. Sizing me up. Deciding if I was a threat or just another piece of drifting debris.

He decided I was boring. With a lazy flick of his tail, he vanished back into the blue.

That moment right there? That is the truth about sharks. It’s not the screaming, blood-spurting horror show you see in the movies. It’s calculation. It’s curiosity. Usually, it’s total indifference.

Hollywood Done Us Dirty

Let's get one thing straight right off the bat. Steven Spielberg is a legend, but Jaws did more damage to the ocean than a massive oil spill.

Movies have brainwashed us. They make us think that the second your toe touches the saltwater, a Great White has a GPS lock on your leg. They paint these animals as serial killers with a vendetta against teenagers in bikinis. It’s absolute rubbish.

Sharks have been patrolling the oceans for over 400 million years. They survived everything. Dinosaurs. Ice ages. Asteroids. They are the ultimate survivors. If they were mindless killing machines that ate everything in sight, the ocean would be empty by now. But it's not. It's a balanced system (or it was, until we started messing with it).

When I dive a wreck, I’m entering their house. I’m the guest. Usually an uninvited, noisy, bubble-blowing guest who looks ridiculous. And most of the time, the sharks just want to know what the heck I am.

The Cold Hard Stats (They Don't Lie, Mate)

You want to talk numbers? Let's talk numbers. Because the math is on my side here.

You are terrified of getting chomped by a shark, right? But you probably didn't think twice about driving your car to the beach this arvo. Or fixing that toaster with a fork.

According to the International Shark Attack File (ISAF), the lifetime odds of dying from a shark attack are roughly 1 in 3.7 million. You have a better chance of winning the lottery and getting struck by lightning on the same day while riding a unicycle.

Check out this table. It puts things into perspective. This is what you should actually be scared of.

See that? You’re more likely to be crushed by a vending machine trying to get a stuck Snickers bar than to be eaten by a shark. Yet nobody makes horror movies about killer vending machines.

The number of unprovoked bites globally per year usually hovers around 60 to 80. Fatalities? Usually less than 10. Globally. In a whole year. More people die taking selfies on cliffs every month. Think about that next time you’re worried about a dorsal fin.

Mistaken Identity: You Look Like a Seal, Mate

So why do bites happen? If they don't want to eat us, why do people get nipped?

It’s usually a case of mistaken identity. Especially for you surfers out there.

Imagine you are a Great White. You are hunting seals. Seals are high-fat, high-energy protein bars. Delicious. Now, look up at the surface. You see a dark oval shape with four limbs sticking out, paddling along.

To a shark looking up from the deep, a surfer on a board looks exactly like a seal. Exactly.

So the shark goes up for a "test bite." This is the problem. Sharks don't have hands. If I want to know what something is, I pick it up. A shark can't do that. It has to use its mouth to feel. It takes a nibble to see if you are food.

The issue is, a "nibble" from a 4-meter White Pointer is a catastrophic injury for a soft, squishy human. But notice that most shark attacks are "hit and run." The shark bites, realizes "Yuck, this is bone and neoprene, not blubber," and leaves. They don't usually come back for seconds. We taste terrible to them. We are too bony. Not enough fat.

We aren't on the menu. We are just curious accidents.

The Friendly Squad

Not every shark is a Titan of the deep like the Great White or the Tiger. Most sharks are about as dangerous as a golden retriever.

I’ve spent hundreds of hours underwater, and some of my best mates have gills. If you are looking to get into shark diving, these are the ones you’ll see, and they are absolute beauties.

The Nurse Shark

We call these the couch potatoes of the ocean. You’ll find them sleeping under ledges in the Caribbean or parts of Australia. They have these little barbels on their faces that look like whiskers. They basically suck up shellfish. I’ve seen muppets practically sitting on them (don’t do that, seriously, harassing marine life is a big no-no) and the shark just shifts a bit. Total chillers.

The Reef Shark (Blacktip/Whitetip/Grey)

These guys are the standard patrol units of the reef. They are sleek, fast, and skittish. If you swim towards them too fast, they bolt. They are terrified of us. Seeing a Caribbean Reef Shark cruising the wall in Cozumel is a highlight, not a hazard. They keep the reef healthy by picking off sick fish. They are the doctors of the sea.

The Whale Shark

The Big Friendly Giant. The BFG. These things grow up to 12 meters long. Massive. Size of a bus. But they eat plankton. Microscopic bugs. They have throats the size of a grapefruit. You could swim right into its mouth (don’t try it) and it would just spit you out. Swimming alongside a Whale Shark in Ningaloo or Mexico is a spiritual experience, mate. It changes you.

The Real Monster is Us

Here is the part where I get angry. I get fired up. Because while we are shivering in our wetsuits worried about getting bitten, we are slaughtering them by the millions.

Shark fin soup. It’s the biggest rort in history.

Fishermen catch these magnificent creatures, slice their fins off while they are still alive, and kick them back into the ocean. The shark can’t swim. It sinks to the bottom and drowns or gets eaten alive by other fish. It is brutal. It is wasteful. It is disgusting.

We kill an estimated 100 million sharks a year. 100 million.

If we wipe out sharks, the ocean ecosystem collapses. They are the apex predators. They keep the populations of other fish in check. Without them, the sick fish survive, diseases spread, the algae takes over the coral, and the reefs die. If the ocean dies, we are in big trouble, mate. We need them.

Eating shark fin soup is like burning down the Louvre because you like the smell of ash. It’s pointless status signaling. It has no taste. It has no nutritional value. It’s just cartilage.

How to Be a Legend in the Water

So, you want to dive with sharks? Good on ya. It’s the best rush you will ever have. But you have to respect the locals to stay safe.

1. Eye Contact: If a shark comes close, look it in the eye. Let it know you see it. Predators rely on the element of surprise. If you track them, they know the game is up.
2. Stay Vertical: Don't look like a seal. If you are on the surface, get vertical. Don't splash. Splashing sounds like a dying fish. That rings the dinner bell.
3. Don't Touch: This isn't a petting zoo. Keep your hands to yourself. Touching removes their protective slime coat and can provoke a defensive bite.
4. Trust Your Guide: If the divemaster says "back on the boat," you get back on the boat. Don't argue.

The ocean is the last true wild place on Earth. It’s not a theme park. It’s raw. It’s gnarly. That’s why we love it.

Don't let a cheesy movie from the 70s keep you out of the water. The sharks aren't waiting for you. They have better things to do. Go get your fins wet. See a shark in the wild. I promise you, when you see that grey shape gliding through the blue, you won't feel fear. You'll feel awe.

And that, my friends, is worth protecting.

Catch you on the bottom.